


emotional consequences of broadcast television

by cursed2005



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27916192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cursed2005/pseuds/cursed2005
Summary: The weeks after Troy leaves are the coldest Abed has ever felt(troy leaves. abed copes)
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	emotional consequences of broadcast television

_"We're so much joined in the flesh that strangers feel the pain if we stop touching" – Andrea Dworkin_

_—_

The weeks after Troy leaves are the coldest Abed has ever felt. 

He feels like he's in a dream, or a background character in a 70's new wave film. The rest of the study group fades in and out if his periphery - only Annie exists with any sort of solidity, hiding him through the day with a gentle hand on his back. Abed is so numb he barely registers it. He walks when he's told, stops when Annie pulls on the back of his shirt, nods and blinks and acts as normal as he's capable of.

Every once in a while he'll forget, turn to say something to someone who's no longer at his shoulder. Every time he's reminded. 

Abed thinks he hates Troy at first - after all, he promised he would never leave, promised that no matter what, when Abed turned to tell him something he'd be there. 

There's an old copy of Friends Weekly under Abed's pillow. When he feels too much like he's drowning he takes it out and just stares at the cover. The grainy image isn't as good as the real Troy, but the smile and the pyjamas are the same. 

Abed wonders if Troy wears those same pyjamas on the boat. Wonders if he told LeVar that they were his _adventure_ pyjamas. His _Troy-and-Abed_ pyjamas.

Abed wears his. He wears them every night and imagines that Troy's just out somewhere - maybe a dance class - and he's late getting home. Closes his eyes and imagines that any moment he'll hear Troy's gentle humming as the key turns in the lock. Imagines that it will all go away. 

There's no guide to this that Abed can think of - Bill and Ted never split up, Bert and Ernie have been sharing the same house for years. He used to avoid films about people falling out and moving away. They used to make him feel uncomfortable - he didn't need them to know how it felt, he knew it well enough. Now they make him feel sick, and slightly stupid.

He feels stupid for thinking that Troy leaving would be the same as any other person leaving. 

There are no texts. No calls. Reception is bad in the middle of the ocean, Abed tells himself. Or maybe Troy's phone went overboard, lost forever. 

When Abed can't sleep he watches Reading Rainbow - laptop propped on his knees and blanket over his head. He watches Reading Rainbow and thinks of Troy meeting his idol. Wonders if Clone Troy disappeared as quickly as Clone Abed did. 

Evil Abed appears more and more. He's victorious - Troy leaving caused this timeline to become the darkest. Evil Abed doesn't seem happy about this anymore. 

Abed thinks about writing a letter. It's a stupid idea really - not only does he not have an address to send it to, he has no idea what to write. 

But that's not quite true. Abed knows exactly what he wants to say, he just doesn't know how to say it. Doesn't know how to make the words sound like he wants them to. There are no camera angles or soundtracks to convey the things he needs to share that he can't say. Abed's never been into writing. 

After months of agonising silence, a letter arrives. 

It's addressed only to Abed - Troy's messy handwriting exacerbated by the movement of the sea. It's long and full overly detailed facts about everyday life in the ship. It's messy and confusing, a stream of consciousness, jumping to and from events with disregard for chronological order. 

It's the best thing Abed has ever read. He spends nights just memorising how it looks, and feels. Reads it over and over, and is secure in the comfort that Troy hasn't quite left him. He puts it with the magazine under his pillow, and dreams of Troy battling ocean monsters and pirates. 

Days later, Jeff appears with another letter. Addressed to the entire study group, this one is shorter and neater - each person gets a paragraph of things Troy thinks will interest them. Abed gets two. 

There's an argument over who gets to keep the letter, until Annie resorts to the doe-eyed, Disney-princess routine and the letter finds itself safe at home on the kitchen bench in Apartment 303.

If Annie notices it's move from the kitchen into Abed's room, she doesn't mention it. 

The next month brings more letters - a private, Abed-only one to match any sent to the study group. 

Sometimes Troy includes photos - of the boat, of the the cities, of LeVar. Sometimes there are pictures of Troy. He looks taller, older. He has a beard now, and Abed misses him so badly it hurts. 

Abed has moved all the letters and Troy-related things into a shoe box under his bed. His pillow was getting uncomfortably high. 

The weather warms up again, but it's still cool. Abed finds a routine and sticks to it. Days pass and he feels mostly okay. 

He plans to move to LA. Annie tells him about her FBI internship, how scared she is to tell the others. Abed tries to help her find an apartment and let's her pick the Friday night movie three weeks in a row. 

He wears a hoodie Troy gave him and waits for a letter. 

The study group gets stranded in a broken-down RV and Abed doesn't think about how Troy would fix it. They drive Frankie mad with secret paintball wars and Abed doesn't think about Troy sacrificing himself while Abed played Han Solo. They go to Garret's wedding and Abed doesn't think of being normal with Troy at Shirley and Andre's second wedding. Above all, Abed doesn't think of how long it's been since he got a letter. 

Days pass and Troy never does send another letter. 

He calls instead. He and LeVar are staying somewhere nearby - not quite home yet but there within the month. Troy tells him about beaches and adventures and Abed listens. Abed tells him about the move to LA and Troy does more then listen. 

Troy says, "I'll meet you there."

**Author's Note:**

> bitches will say they're fine then project onto characters about how lonely they are. 
> 
> anyway — feedback: appreciated, comments: treasured, you should: follow me on tumblr (poetsnufkin or summerlanded) 
> 
> mwah mwah thank u for reading


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